Okay. So, not quite the regular, frequent blogging that I promised when I started.... I will do better! lol...

First, the numbers.... I have lost 10 lbs in the last 3 weeks. Acceptable, I think. :-)  I suppose I can't lose at the rate I did back in November. Averaging 3 pounds a week is good.

This time around, EXERCISE is going to have to be the key. Low calorie intake will not suffice. I have been walking again, jogging when I can. The jogging is getting easier. Getting out and exercising has quickly become an addiction. I have a tendency to overdo things, so I am forcing myself to ease into my exercise program. I need to get with my personal trainer soon. I can get my lower body into shape fairly easily, but my core and upper body.... that is going to take some assistance.

Even more important than exercise this time around: getting my head in order. I am attempting to be gentle with myself. I am working hard on being less negative, or, as I should say, more positive. The exercise makes it easier, but it requires constant awareness and effort. Not only am I rebuilding my body, but I am rebuilding my inner self. Tweaking and improving who I am. Working on being the best Laura I can be. There are struggles, unwelcome thoughts, unpleasant emotions. Instead of fighting them I am attempting to acknowledge their existence, just something that "is", not investing in them, and letting them pass. NOT always easy, but with practice, hopefully, some of these thoughts will disappear.

As part of my new routine I have begun doing some "girly" things.... Working on my outer appearance, trying to put my best face forward as I transition. I have been straightening my hair, doing my nails, wearing some makeup.... I have been getting some positive feedback. It is great to hear.

Okay, so this post is pretty darn sterile.... no emotions, feelings, deep thoughts. There are some issues and people I am having some issues with, however I am not entirely sure I am ready to put the details into writing. You can't make people like you. People will feel about you however they feel about you. There are a couple of people I wish would feel differently about me... but I can't change what is in these situations. I have to trust that it is for the best and the right relationships will come when the time is right. (Part of me, however, is jumping up and down, stamping her feet, whining "but I want it, but I want it now!!") LOL....

I know I have a lot more to offer than many people see/believe. Heck, more than even I believe sometimes. Trust in myself and the process.... sigh.... working on that too.

Sometimes I just want to cry, I wonder why I can't have some of what I want, who I want, why I seem to be meant to be lonely.... Is working to be positive keeping me from feeling my true emotions?? Am I just going to crack some day???

Well, off to get ready for bed.

Take care and thank you for reading! I appreciate your comments!

Optifast Round 2


Day 1

I am home sick while writing this. One of the downsides to the program is the extremely limited choices I have when it comes to over the counter cold and flu remedies. The product is very high in protein and our livers and kidneys will be taxed enough.

But it is all worth it. :-)

Optifast round 1 ran from November through April. I lost 53.5 lbs and went from a 24 (a SNUG 24) to a 16/18 depending on the item of clothing. I have started this new blog with the new title because, now, my weight is healthy for someone 6'9", not 7'4". Yay!  The transition to real food wasn't extremely successful. Partly due to the fact that I had decided to do the Optifast program again. I didn't want to get too attached to food again. Instead I drank a lot of Slimfast and ate a lot of protein bars. It turns out that, as I already knew, bars are my weakness. I still have many issues (emotional) to deal with and bars cannot be in my house. I gained about 7 or 8 pounds between the end of February and the beginning of June. I am not pleased with this but I have a renewed enthusiasm and commitment to deal with these issues, or at least develop effective coping strategies that I can quickly access when needed. With practice they will be ingrained and habit, a daily strategy for feeding my body. By the end of this I will hopefully be at a healthy weight for my 5'6" frame, fit, energetic, happier and in possession of great new skills.Compassion for myself is something I am working on.

The physical portion of this process is not easy, however, it is not the most difficult part. I know that I will have 100% meal replacement for 17 weeks. I know I have to drink at least 64 ounces of water a day. Or was it 128? lol. Ok. Maybe I need to read up a little more. I know I need to exercise. I am excited and nervous about the exercise this time. Optifast Round 1 (O1) had no exercise in the beginning, then I lost enough to be able to exercise without pain. This time I feel great. I have joined a gym, I have a personal trainer who is a marine, I have registered for a Spartan Sprint in December and I have registered for a 5k. I have all of the tools I need. Now to get off my ass.... lol.

Optifast Round 2 goal: 87.6 pounds. It won't be easy, but I am going to do everything in my power to make it happen. This is where my dealing with the more difficult portion of the program will really come in to play. The emotional / mental part. I don't even know where to start with my issues. My self esteem, self worth, feeling that I deserve this... they aren't strong. For those of you who know me well are already well aware of that. My self esteem comes in waves.... I need to strengthen the core of it.To want what is best for me and to do what I need to do to act like it. I need to deal with WHY I eat. Nothing too groundbreaking here. lol. Food is Love, Food is Companionship, etc.

I know I have a very addictive personality. I don't know how much history of that will come out here. I believe in complete honesty, which often gets me in trouble. I don't have many secrets, but some truths don't belong in the workplace, and this being a public blog..... for now.... I will certainly be focused on the present, however the past is bound to come out as it has shaped who I am now. I plan on turning this addiction to exercise. If I am going to be addicted to something I will trade food for exercise.

I hope you find following me on this journey to be, at the very least, interesting. Hopefully sometimes entertaining. And rarely whiny.

Thank you everyone!!
I appreciate all of your support